WTF is This Feeling

Maybe it's the result of me not eating like before.
Maybe it's because of boredom
Maybe I just don't understand it
Maybe it's something inevitable

This sucks. I thought that I've gotten over this phase. But why is it coming back? Maybe this is just 'one of those times' - those times of relapse and being lost. Yeah. Maybe it's like that.
So many things are running through my mind right now. It  sucks when you have too much time in your hands and you don't do anything. It sucks. Torn between things. Between what's right and what's wrong. What's good and what's better.

Can I be immature again for once? Just this one time I want to feel this but I don't want this to last. Though I want to be immature, still, I can't express what I feel. Not that I really can't... it's a choice that want to make. And though I know it's for the better - it still sucks. The feeling sucks. And I suck for choosing that.

I'm vague I know. And I don't want to be clear.

Can this phase just be finished... now? Damn.

The List

Everyone has his/her own dream. Some dreams are small and can be easily achieved, some dreams are big and hard to fulfill. Whatever these dreams may be, these are what makes us move forward with life- trying to fulfill these dreams that we have.
After watching The Bucket List before, I wanted to also write a list of things - little and big dreams - that I want to do before I die. I haven't had the chance to write them down and didn't start doing them. But now that I think that my life is in my own hands already, I want to list down certain things that I want to do before the day comes. It's good to keep some list like this to have some direction on life - well, in my opinion that is. :)

I'll start right now and continue to update this list in the coming days if I think of something that  I want to do. :D Note: Some of these things might sound silly to others - but hey, this is my list and these are what I want to do :p

The List 
Last update: May 30, 2010
1. Travel to at least one country from each of the six continents. Asia, Australia, Europe, Africa, North America, South America
2. Write and record a song
3. Go to my ultimate place: sit under a tree situated in a cliff overlooking the sea
4. Have a family :)
5. Have a photoshoot
6. Climb a mountain
7. Have a solo adventure travelling
8. Have my own place
9. Learn how to play at least one musical instrument
10. Win a lottery
11. Watch a musical
12. Do something good for everyone

That's the list so far... nothing too big and uncommon. I still have to think of those. Hahaha :p


There.

Let It Go

I can't help but feel jealous.
I know it makes no sense but still... I can't fool myself.
I know what I feel.
And I know that it is stupid and pointless.

I'm at the point where I don't want to care but I still do.
You don't have any fault.
I'm blaming myself for what I feel.
Stupid, right.

I'm hating what I see right now.
Kung pwede ko lang burahin facebook account ko - ginawa ko na.
But it's pointless.
Argh.

I just got to learn to manage this.
It's over.
Deal with it.
Move on.
Let it go.

Forgotten

The intention of this blog is for me to revisit the days when micro blogging was not yet around and I was able to write what I think without just writing snippets of it. But looking at it now... it's been 5 months since I have started this blog and it's in a sorry state. Only three entries and those three were written on just the first week of this blog - after that... no entries were posted.

Obsiously, the goal was not achieved.

I don't know why it happens. I don't blame it on lack of time because truthfully, I have enough time to write whatever. It's just that sometimes writing something long is such a bore. Before, I was really happy with writing - but now... I don't know. With the birth of all the microblogging sites - status-like updates are now the ones in. It's really sad but it's the reality. Gone are the golden days of blogging - hello micro blogging era. Sure, I'm years late in stating the fact but who cares.

I tried to read the entries that I've written before and it surprised me to read them because I didn't know I can write such strong entries. I felt good and bad when reading them. Good because I get to reminisce what I was experiencing back then. Bad - because I know I haven't written in a long time. I just stopped writing and it makes me sad.

I want to make a promise to write again - but it's hard when you're immersed in a new world. Though you want to write - there's this something that's stopping you. And it sucks.

There are so many things in my mind right now. Things that I want to write. Things that in the future - I want to read and revisit. It might make me laugh remembering how awful or immature I was or maybe it can make me laugh because I remember how fun it was. It might make me realize the lessons that I have learned from the experiences that I've had before so that I'll know what to do when it happens again.

I seriously miss the feeling of writing anything under the sun. Tough microblogging is fun - it's still very different. I still have half of the year to make this blog alive. Hopefully, I can do it - to update the blog regularly.

After all - as this blog's title suggests - this is the Year of Me. Year of going back and making things happen. Again.